Looking for purpose in Paris
Finding more questions than answers in life's greatest treasure hunt.
Bonjour Les Amis - welcome back.
If you’ve been following my recent newsletters, you might think: Wow, she’s been searching for a lot lately.
And you wouldn’t be wrong.
I’m searching for my voice(s), searching for life lessons in renovation projects, and today I am talking about the most fascinating search of all—the search for purpose.
I’ll be the first to admit: I have more questions than answers. And by the end of this newsletter, you might too (I hope).
A close friend once told me that it is better to have a handful of beautiful questions than a bunch crappy answers…
But that’s what friends do, isn’t it? We ask each other meaningful questions - and sometimes, we make each other ask meaningful questions of ourselves.
And I believe it’s in that exchange, that back-and-forth, that a kind of harmony is created.
And in that harmony, beautiful things can be found.
Speaking of Friends…
All of this started over coffee, when a dear friend asked me a very direct question.
On our coffee date, I had been telling her about two new things I started at the end of 2024: Prompts from Paris, my newsletter, and GenerateHER, my podcast. As always, she was genuinely curious, digging into the details of these passion projects of mine. How do I manage them alongside my “day job”? Who helps produce the podcast? How do I choose topics? How do I feel about these new spaces I am playing in? What have I learned along the way?
Beyond checking in on my general enjoyment of it all, I could tell she was also wondering about the nitty-gritty of the how and when—the time investment, the costs, etc.
After exploring all of that, she paused. I could see the real question shimmering behind her eyes.
She’s a businesswoman too, so I knew what was coming.
(Most French people tend to avoid talking about money - in many cases, it can be seen as vulgar —but in this context, we are perfectly ok with it, even if it takes her much longer to ‘ask the question’ than it takes me. She’s a pretty tough biscuit (cookie), so this is the one time I take pleasure in watching her squirm a little. FYI, don’t feel bad for her; she finds her way to do the same to me.)
She looked me deep in the eyes and asked, point-blank:
“What are you making out of these things?” (And yes, she meant monetarily.)
Silence fell over our table.
I looked back at her, waiting to see if she would blink first, and said,
“Rien.” (Nothing.)
More silence.
Then came the beautiful, wordless symphony of French nonverbal communication—the kind of silent conversation French people can have with each other for longer than you can imagine. The kind that only really makes sense once you've lived here long enough to interpret it.
I’m not fluent enough in the nonverbals to respond similarly, so our discussion continues, with her in silence while I respond verbally.
She blew out her cheek and poked it with her finger. (Translation: I don’t believe you.)
I replied aloud: “Yes, really.”
She widened her eyes, raised her brows, and threw in a little lip pout for emphasis. (Roughly: “WHAT!?”)
I returned. “Vraiment.” (Really.)
Then came the final blow: tapping her temple. (Meaning: Have you lost it?)
We sat in silence, looking at each other, until I finally said:
“It’s not what I am making out of it; it is what I am getting out of it. And I am getting a lot, from a precious space to express myself, to a wonderful community to connect with. But most importantly, I am getting a renewed sense of purpose".
And for me, what is even more cinglé (crazy) is not exploring and finding something that will give you that wonderful feeling.
Speaking of exploring…
As we got entangled in a long discussion about the word purpose, I realized there are as many ways to define purpose as there are people trying to find it.
One of the joys—and sometimes frustrations—of expressing yourself in a different language is trying to find the right equivalent for a word. Sometimes it works, and other times, you're left with the “next best thing.”
“Oh, okay, you mean Quel est ton but dans ta vie? (What is your goal in life?)” She asked.
I’m more used to hearing ‘goal’ in a sports or business context, so it felt too transactional.
I shook my head. “No, I mean, what is your purpose in life?” (Note to self: repeating the same word doesn’t make it easier to understand.)
Her response was “At the moment, having coffee with you!” That was as existential as it got. We laughed and moved on.
Speaking of responses…
I just had to try to understand more. How would others respond? So I went on a little quest. I wanted to know how native French speakers would describe the idea of having a purpose.
I reached out to a number of friends, including
—one of the smartest, most culturally fluent people I know when it comes to France—and asked her if she’d be willing to poll a few of her French friends. She kindly agreed.By the end of the day, I had a handful of responses:
“Quel est ma raison d’être dans la vie” (What is my reason for being in life) — this one worked.
“Quel est mon objectif?” (What is my aim or objective?) was also suggested.
“Trouver sa mission de vie” — (to find one’s life mission) popped up.
That last one felt closest to what I was trying to express - find one’s life mission!
But even with those thoughtful translations, I found myself at the beginning of a trail, not the end. I was still left searching for la vérité—the truth.
Speaking of finding the truth…
I turned to the one place where I was most likely to find it. I asked ChatGPT.
More than just a few people are seeking life advice from the all-knowing ChatGPT. According to the Harvard Business Review article, I happened upon via their Instagram page, "How People Are Really Using Gen AI in 2025," by Marc Zao-Sanders, ChatGPT has now become our de facto life coach. In 2025, the search for ‘Finding purpose’ jumped from nowhere to one of the top three searches!
By the way, you may already know that in French, ChatGPT phonetically sounds as if you are saying ‘Chat j’ai pété’…I’m blushing to tell you that means: Cat, I pooted. So, the thoughts of posing life questions in this context make me giggle.
I cannot help but explore the differences between the US and France—something I consciously (and unconsciously) do every day. While Harvard Business Review is a reliable source, in this case, I thought it might be too North American-centric, so I turned to the next best Guru: Dr. Google.
Certainly, French folks are looking for answers to finding their purpose just as much as those in the US, and if they are, I thought they must be searching on Google.
According to Google Trends for the past five years, in the US, the search term ‘How do I find my purpose’ peaked the week of February 16th—22nd, 2025. Below, you will see the five-year graph showing the trend of Google searches from the US for finding one’s purpose.
So, I wanted to compare how the French data looked during that same time period. The French search term “Trouver sa mission de vie” over the past five years peaked three years earlier, from March 22nd to April 2nd, 2022 (you’ll also note that there was much less activity for that search in general). In the spirit of comparison, you’ll see a graph of the same timeline for France.
WOW. And why?
There are always more questions than answers, but I think there is much to unpack here. On my list of things I want to be when I grow up is a Social Scientist (hence my love for Brene Brown). One day, I would love to dig deep and look into this properly to see if my quick search is valid. Nevertheless, any data is interesting if it makes us ask questions.
The data left me with a pause and perhaps a little understanding of why it was so difficult to pinpoint a definition with my French comrades. Perhaps they are just not as preoccupied with ‘finding their purpose’.
I’d like to believe that it just means they are simply enjoying life more than searching for answers to it.
I find beauty in that.
Speaking of finding answers about life…
Deep into my rabbit hole, I knew at least a few French locals had to be looking for answers. Who would they turn to? The same people we all do: Bloggers—cue, the (many) random websites that can solve all life’s problems.
(I knew I could have gone even further and explored Instagram, but for my sanity, I decided to leave it here…until the next time I awaken at 3 am)
For comparison, I looked for differences between advice from the US versus what you will find in France.
Advice from a random US blog on how to find your purpose:
Identify the things you care about
Reflect on what matters most
Recognize your strengths and talents
Try volunteering
Imagine your best possible self
Cultivate positive emotions like gratitude and awe
Look to the people you admire
And then, advice from a random French blog on how to trouver sa mission de vie:
Prendre conscience que quelque chose ne va pas : Admit something is wrong.
Apprendre à se connaître : Get to know yourself
Laisser place à sa curiosité : Give way to curiosity
Imaginer sa vie idéale : Imagine your ideal life
Écouter ses intuitions: Listen to your intuition
Mettre au jour ses talents: Bring out your talents
I rarely think in terms of this or that. I believe in nuance. I also believe we can cherry-pick and create a beautiful mosaic of what these ideas mean to us…so I’ll choose from those lists above to create my secret formula. I hope you do the same.
When I think of the average French person consulting that list above, I think back to that coffee conversation with my friend. Her answer—“at the moment”—stuck with me. Maybe there’s something in that phrase. Could it suggest that the answer can be found in being present? Could it be in the small moments we overlook each day? Does it suggest that purpose isn’t fixed, but fluid? Can it change?
If you’ve made it this far in the newsletter, you might be growing suspicious that I’m not going to leave you with any neat little answers here.
You’re right.
After all, my newsletter is called Prompts (not Answers) from Paris. So maybe this will prompt you to chercher—to search, to seek—and maybe you’ll find that seeking is part of the answer.
Speaking of searching….
Perhaps searching for purpose is life’s greatest Chasse aux Trésors (treasure hunts-plural). As we dare to search for answers to that beautiful question: What is my purpose? We find them along the way. One clue builds on to another, and then another, and then another.
Like in any good treasure hunt, we sometimes head in the wrong direction. We get lost. We wander. But if we keep going, the trail eventually appears again, until we find what we think we are in search of.
And then what?
Taking a lesson from all great treasure hunters, there is no end. We don’t (nor should we) stop seeking purpose.
Once one treasure is found, we know there’s another waiting to be discovered —but only if we’re brave enough to keep exploring. I suspect the same goes for those tiny little treasures waiting to be discovered in you.
I hope I will always explore. And I hope you will, too—there will likely be something wonderful at the end, and what a journey it will be.
Bon voyage mes amies.
Until then, a prompt I’ll leave you with:
What direction will you take to start your new exploration?
With that, see you next time. Á bientôt, mes amis.
Jane
A few last things:
If you want to treasure hunt in Paris, join me:
My GenerateHER retreats are live! I am so excited to host the next sessions this autumn!
If you want to see my view of life in Paris, join me on my podcast:
I publish an episode each week. I’d love it if you listened to it and let me know what you think! You can find more here.
Wonderful essay, Jane. Really thought-provoking. Thank you. I myself sometimes use the word “calling” rather than “mission” or “purpose,” when I’m pondering these questions for my own life. (And believe you me, I definitely ponder these questions!) What is my calling in life? What do I feel most called to do in life? What is my contribution to the world around me? How do I make my mark on the people I come into contact with, or on my larger community? What is the unique gift/skill/talent/passion that I have, that I offer to the world? Perhaps I think that using the word “calling” makes the concept somehow less intimidating than “mission” or “purpose”? 🤷♀️ Who knows. The pondering continues. Thank you for the powerful prompt!! (And I really appreciated the investigation into the most appropriate French translation!! My nerdy perfectionist-leaning language-learning heart rejoiced!) 😊
This really hit home. A much needed reminder of why we chose this path to France in the first place. When things get tough (and let’s be real, they do), I come back to this: we didn’t just move here for the baguettes and scenic views. We came to reclaim something. To live more intentionally, more simply, and more meaningfully after years of chasing corporate paychecks, promotions, and prestige that never quite filled the tank.
I hope my purpose now is to give back and to share what we’ve learned along the way, the hard-won lessons and the ridiculous missteps alike. But also to live the kind of life we once only daydreamed about: slower, richer in connection, and grounded in what actually matters. Most of all, to be the best parents we can be to the now very-French daughter we’re raising here—giving her roots, wings, and a life that feels full of joy, adventure, and love.
Thanks for sharing and the thought provoking post. :)